DarkINLight

Fear

2009-09-19T22:08:00.001-07:00

I'm sick of being afraid. I'm sick of living without hope and with fear in my heart and mind. So, ways around it.

1. Feel nothing.... Nope that doesn't work!

2. Repress... Works for awhile but eventually fails.

3. Get Angry. This actually work! However, anger burns out fast and they've yet to develop tupperware for it so... only a temporary solution.

4. Have an emotional break down and feel part of yourself die...

Life

2009-10-02T00:43:00.000-07:00

Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get next. But you do know that you're going to get fat =D

Angry

2009-09-19T22:05:00.001-07:00

Angry, Very Angry, Words can't begin to express what I'm feeling. Somethings going to burn before me.

I hope you aren't lactose intolernt

2009-04-23T21:06:00.000-07:00

Cause my new shirt is LegenDAIRY!!

I got the best shirt ever! ... EVER!!!

-pto

A Great wine comes from Great Grapes

2009-02-09T12:01:00.000-08:00

"Life is too short to drink bad wine." - anonymous

"And Noah began to be a husbandman, and he planted a vineyard." --- Genesis 9:20

“Twas Noah who first planted the vine
And mended his morals by drinking its wine.” --- Attributed to Benjamin Franklin

"A bottle of good wine, like a good act, shines ever in the retrospect" --- Robert Louis Stevenson

I recently took a weekend trip to see some friends. When I left there was heavy rain, dense fog, high winds, and flooding. Not to mention the amount of traffic that went with it. I have to admit. It was a very scary drive. I could hardly see what was in front of me. Head lights made things seem like a white wall. The heavy rain pelting the car and hitting patches of water made the car shake. So I did the only thing I could really think of. I prayed.

I've been told before, always pray about everything (my mom told me so =D). Even things you're supposed to be doing and much more importantly the things you aren't supposed to be doing. The bible tells us...

"Be joyful always, pray continuously, and give thanks on all occasions, this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 4:16.

It says "pray continuously" and "give thanks on all occasions." This pretty much means pray all the time on any occasion. So right now as an example (and believe me when I am actually saying this out loud) "Lord, please help me write this blog as I am trying to explain what I've discovered recently. I was never very good with words and ask that you help me make this clear to anybody who reads this." There. So you tell me if this blog gets more clear from here on out...

It seem that throughout history, great wine is well praised and associated with great things. And a great wine not only puts you in a great mood. It "tasty" and flavorful, feels good in your mouth and good going down. And of course this all starts not with the grape. But with the vine.

In is a well known fact that in the 19th century the worlds production of wine was in grave danger from a little insect called Phylloxera. This aphid was native to North America and was known to eat the roots of health grape vines. Around the 1860's phylloxera was introduced to Europe and cause quite a commotion as it help itself to hearty European grapevines. Simply put, the European roots didn't have a natural defense against the insect so they were gobbled up like starving college students on free french fries. After much invested time and research, and numerous home remedies (e.g. burying a toad under the roots and urine of all sorts) a solution appeared. It was to simply graft the delicate vines of a European plant on to the hardy root of a native American plant. Today, the majority of the worlds wines are produced in such a manner.

A great wine comes from great grapes. A great grape comes from a great vine. Only by grafting a new vine to a strong root can we produce great grapes. Like the grapes, we must follow this example.

John 15:4-5

Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me.

I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.

In order to bear fruit we must graft ourselves onto a healthy base because apart from Him, we can do nothing. And the only way I see possible to graft ourselves to this healthy root is through prayer. For truly great grapes are grown when allowing the root to feed the vine. Just as great works are done with allowing the Spirit to feed the soul. And as a Christian, every aspect of my life is supposed to be an example to those that I come across, especially when I mess up. And every work, no matter how small or large, how wrong or right, must be fed by the Spirit to ensure the quality of the fruit it bears. Therefore pray continuously and give thanks on all occasions. For it is the only way to maintain a graft to the root.

So the next time you decide on anything.... and I mean anything. Pray about it first.... It's not like it's ever a waste of words to communicate with God. In fact. I think he'd like that =D.

I found a comic that sums up my love life so far...

2009-02-09T10:48:00.000-08:00

If you can't read it, click this sentence.

and a song...

I love xkcd

Life is wonderful, Life goes full circle.

2009-01-13T00:44:00.001-08:00

"ah la la la la la life is wonderful, ah la la la la la life goes full circle"- Jason Mraz

"Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me" Psalms 66:20

It's been quite a day. I think I've spent more time driving today than usual but it was more than worth it in the end. Just a few thoughts before I head off to bed. I realized a few things today that have made we wonder. Again I bring back points I've written about in past posts so yes things are circular.

First thing.

The plans I make for myself, in my life, rarely work out. In fact, I can't remember a concrete situation where things are worked out to even an acceptable level... now could this be because I'm terrible at planning things? Its possible. But I'd like to think that its unlikely. When I plan things meant for others it seems like my success rate goes up dramatically.

Second thing.

My second point tonight is my success in lack of planning. Well, not quite lack of planning but definitely less detailed planning. The more and more I leave my plans to focus on more important things the better it seems to turn out. For example. Today I had to drive about an hour to setup for a meeting. After the meeting I drove another hour or so to visit a friend I haven't really talked to in quite sometime. Her work schedule fluctuates quite a bit so I didn't know when she would get off. What past me would do is plan out trip length. Map the route. Find where to go and what to do. so on and so forth . . . . what would happen is. I'd be late to everything, find something that wasn't agreeable. In other words. FAIL.

Now two reasons why I think things work out better. One is the fact that with less details means less places for it to go wrong. While this is true I could still think of many reason why even my bare plans would fall though. They involve (and this is from past experience), the person flaking, falling asleep, forgetting to call, missing a call, missing a text, no phone service, fake excuse not to go, real excuse not to go, overbooked schedule and forgetting.... i could really keep going. And suffice it to say even if my plans did go though there is the good chance it wouldn't be any fun. So.

Third thing.

My third point is (and I fail to do this all the time but God help me get it right at least some of the time) leaving my plans up to God. Funny thing is, this idea is showing up in all sorts of places in my, work, school, social life, and love life. Now it's not as if I'm sitting at home and asking God to decide each and everything that I do, But.. it kinda is. Let me better explain. There isn't anything in world, any idea, or thought, or action that you can't pray about. It's one of the best things about prayer. It can be applied to anything! even itself! Now I can go on and on about prayer until my hands are sore so I won't. But I will say that the act of praying about something can be specific or vague. And in the act of prayer itself is the idea that you aren't trying to do things by your own volition but leaving the situation up to the Almighty. So for instance, my plans today were vague enough but I did want to get a few things done.

1. make sure the work setup was ok.
2. make sure I'm not late to meet my friend
3. make sure we have a good time.
4. make sure I'm not waiting around too long for anything.

Now normally I could probably achieve 2 out of the 4 things for sure by my own will. But to get all 4? NO way. I'd most likely have wait around for a few hours to ensure 1,2, or 3.

Fourth thing.

Now I want to be clear again. I am NOT saying that prayer about an event will guarantee a good outcome. But by praying about said event will allow God into the equations. And Him in any equation is a good thing. EVEN when the equation is suppose to turn out bad. Today's equation turned out to be a good one. Everything went off without a hitch and all the things I wanted to happen today happened without me having to worry about it.

The nice side effect of all this praying about the goings on in your own life is you might just open yourself up to the Holy Spirit. I'm never really too sure whether the Spirit is actually speaking to me or not but I believe that it is a matter of effort and practice. So here's to the Spirit! May it be with us as we traverse this gift of an existence that we bitterly and joyfully call life. Hopefully one day I will be able to listen to Him and avoid dumb situations I keep running myself into. I like to call them the "Toe Stubs in the Dark of life." And sometimes what you think is good for you isn't. And what you think is bad for you isn't either. How are we really supposed to know? We can't see anything past our own ego's! (*raises hand and jumps up and down* totally a victim of that but at the same time I'm glad this blog is anonymous... kinda)

So to recap:
-Prayer opens up our plans to God. And he's got A LOT better insight than we do, even on the small things.
-My own will isn't strong or smart enough to get me though the day much less anything really stressful.
-It's ok to pray about anything and everything. In fact its encouraged and who knows you might learn a thing or two you wouldn't have noticed otherwise.

"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints." Ephesians 6:18

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is. His good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads my beside quiet waters. He restores my soul, He guide my down the path of righteousness for His name sake." Psalms 23: 1-3

-pto

P.S. Resolution update <-- spelled that right. ONE down 11 2 go!

New Years Resoluations

2009-01-04T01:36:00.000-08:00

1. Learn how to spell resolutions.

2. Lose weight.

3. Sweep a girl off her feet and into my arms... muhhahaha... yeah not going to happen either....T.T

4. Six pack abs... so not going to happen.

5. Finish reading the bible again.

6. Pray more

7. Learn spanish, at least enough to order food.

8. Learn korean, same as above.

9. do a handstand and hold for 1 min

10. Visit Sf more

11. Finish updates on blog about story.

12. Save money!!

PS.... Happy 2009!

-pto

A happy landing with 12 minutes to spare

2008-12-31T23:47:00.001-08:00

Thank God. I made it!

-pto

Had a good weekend!

2008-12-15T12:20:00.000-08:00

Correction. I had one of the best weekends ever!

-pto

Gonna Try and Stick the Landing

2008-10-17T00:06:00.000-07:00

Wish me a happy landing.. all I need to do is!

Finish!

Two things.

My Goal is to finish reading the bible for the first time, before the end of the year.

and

Also going to try and finish reading up on plato and "so - crates"

-pto

P.S. San Dimas High School Football Rules

Walking right off the right path

2008-08-06T17:34:00.000-07:00

Recently I've been talking to a friend that was once a christian. When younger, she tried her very best to be the best christian that she could possibly be but eventually turn away from the Lord. After hearing her story and reasons why, I have decided to research atheist and other religions to see if the burden of evidence against belief in God is large enough for me to seriously question my beliefs again. At a cursory glance I do have one opinion I'd like to make. It seem to me that there is following a religion and then there is following God. Sometimes we are so wrapped up in ceremony and events that we may lose sight of the path that we tread and slip quietly off. The church and its passions don't equate to God.

As of this posting I have faith that though there may be evidence against God, he will reveal himself to me at the end of my road. After all, he can see and process a whole lot more than I can.

-pto

When I find myself in times of trouble...

2008-05-29T18:11:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I find myself returning to an earlier state of myself, experiencing the same pattern of behavior over and over again. First thing is, its incredibly hard to break out of the situation. Second, I get pretty pissed off at myself for letting me slip back into the old me. Yet as mad/disgusted as I am at myself I still find myself doing the same things that I dislike me doing. What does that say about myself? am I weak willed? Pathetic? No! well the pathetic part is probably true so.... let me explain. I'm one of the most stubborn strong willed persons I know and I think that IS the point! I can't beat me! No matter how disgusted or angry I am at myself for doing the things I don't want to be doing I am still stubborn enough to do them. And so I find my self teetering back and forth between two decisions. The right one. The wrong one. The right one. The wrong one. This is a battle that I can't win if I lived to be a million. But there must be an out right!?!? How do I manage to stay on the right side? aahhh!

God help!!!

-pto

Video Games!!!

2008-09-01T11:20:00.000-07:00

If you can't read it click here

4th of july!

2008-07-07T10:58:00.000-07:00

Ok yeah.. the post isn't on the 4th but its close enough. Just wanted to tell about a funny comment I heard.

I BBQ'ed with my family and a few people from church this 4th and heard something I though was pretty funny. One older member was helping me out with the grilling and told me he really really likes BBQ and wished that he could do it more often since its such a hassle to set up. And after a pause in thought he told me the reason he likes BBQ so much is because the smell of the meat on the grill. And then he told me he thinks God really like BBQ too. Thinking back to the old testament... yeah.. maybe God really likes BBQ!

-pto

Unforseeable Journey - Part 2 ~ The way things were

2008-05-19T00:39:00.001-07:00

He entered college a year ahead of her, though they were of the same age. She really didn't know what else to do after high school and didn't apply. She still saw him from time to time, when he could he would come from school to take her out. They went to movies, the park, lunch and dinner, and shopping. It really didn't matter where he took her. She always enjoyed herself even when the weather was bad. As long as they were together it seems like nothing could go wrong. And when he wasn't taking her out she received letters from him. The letters came one a day at a time. One letter, for one day.

He was busy. His time was split up between his family, school, job, and seeing his girlfriend. If you asked him now who he gave priority, he'd probably respond his job but we all know he spent more time with her than anybody else. Still, he managed to balanced things out nicely. He spent a lot of time traveling between her house, her school, and outings. For this, he managed to scrape together the money for a scooter. It was about and an hour to her school from her house and from her house work another hour and from work to home about 40 minutes. He spent his days like this, driving back and forth in rain, heat, or cold just to see her. He would spend hours at her home getting to know her parents and family. He spent so much time there his dad once jokingly said you might as well live there. The only time we only ever see you is the morning at breakfast and at night when you come home to sleep. On the weekdays when he couldn't see her. He would write letters to her to stay in contact. Some were romantic and some he just wrote something to her so she would know what hes doing. He wrote once a day and she received a letter, one letter for everyday he couldn't see her.

Unforseeable Journey - Part 1 ~ Colorful Beginnings

2008-05-07T18:28:00.000-07:00

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step" - Confucius

"And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb." - Avenue Q

"You know where you start from, but you won't know where you'll end up until you get there. And even when you get there, you may not know where you are or where you're headed next." ~ Anonymous

They met at a party. He noticed her immediately, just something about her made him want to get to know her. He swooped in and took advantage of the situation when another guy left her alone. He was infatuated, he asked to take her home, got her number, and waited for the day he could ask her out. It came when it was his birthday. His friends thew him a party and he wished to have her as a date but, a friend of her told her not to go just cause he asked. This upset him, but not enough to give up. He tried again and this time success! She agreed to go out with him, and they setup a date. The day came and he was very excited. He planned ahead, dressed his best, left early, straight in to the pouring rain. Hailing a cab he gave directions to her house but sadly he forgot exactly where she lived. The heavy rain made the streets confusing and after searching for half an hour he found the right place. Standing at the door, clothes drenched, hair dripping. He fixed his hair and clothes the best he could wrenching out sheets of water before he rang the bell and was greeted by her sister. She told him she was out, and left to be with some friends. He was hurt, so he went home.

He was late, she was hurt. How dare he stand her up! Angry she decided not to wait and went out with friends that called her up. When she came back home she was immediately rebuked by her sister. Finding out that he was lost in the rain and looked even though he was soaking wet. She felt bad that she just up and left, but she had no way to contact him and could only hope that she would be given the chance to explain in the future.

Her father was a military man, and because he was one of some importance he was given a house for his family to live in. This included all utilities, gas, water, electricity, and phone. Funny thing is, since it was a government position on top of a military one, all family phone calls were routed though the local police station.

He was hurt, but he wasn't done yet. He called again the next day to find out what happened. Luckily he reached her and to his surprise she was receptive to him, not angry at all. He apologized for being late and explained that he got lost. She apologized for leaving and not waiting because she was angry she had thought he stood her up. He was so glad they got a chance to talk it out he boldly asked again if she would grace him with her company. She replied simply "when" and he exclaimed "how about right now?!" She was stunned, but because of his boldness she agreed to accompany him to the movies. For the second time he dressed his best, though not quite his best for his best was still dripping, fixed his hair, hailed a cab and left.

Awhile ago she had met a boy, he was tall, smart, nice and had very beautiful handwriting. He pursued her. They went out on a date and she had fun. He escorted her home and on the way she saw her mother standing outside chatting with the neighbors. She strode forward to catch her mothers attention and looked to her side, mouth open, in midst of a greeting and an introduction. Catching herself mid word she stopped. He had disappeared. It was as if he was never there. Her mother was fearsome.

While waiting for his arrival she went to change into something more suitable for going out. Still changing (we all know how long girls take but they don't really know how long they take......very long. Thats how long) she was surprised to hear his voice coming from the living room.

He arrived at her door once more, though not quite as wet as the last time, and was again greeted by her sister. She told him she was still changing and invited him in. He gladly accepted with a heartfelt "ok!"

She stepped into the living room surprised to find him sitting there conversing with her parents and sister. She was surprised because of his boldness and because of his umbrella. While he spoke he carefully shook off the remaining droplets of water from the surface of the umbrella. He then gingerly arranged each fold of the umbrella to lie in place before wrapping up the whole thing, making a perfectly arranged umbrella.

They went to a movie. He was nervous, so was she. The movie was terrible but they had a great time. For her it was the first time she really laid eyes on him. She first met him in the dark and was afraid to look at him directly on the way home. It was also the first time she really heard him speak. She realized he spoke with an accent of somebody beneath her but it hardly mattered to her. She was having fun.

When you forget you're lost

2008-05-12T17:17:00.000-07:00

"The heart wants what it wants" - Darren Hayse

Often I find myself feeling kind of alone. I've very much thankful for the friends I have but to be frank I don't have many, and as I get older we all start moving further and further apart both emotionally and literally. I've kept very few of my childhood friends as I have either grown apart from them or they have moved away. My currents friends are wonderful but have lives of their own. I've also been single for the majority of my life not knowing what it was like to be with somebody though I am thankful for the one person I've been with. She has taught me much about things of this world and why and how I must find somebody much different from her (I'll explain this better later). As this seems to be a recurring problem for me it dawned on me that maybe this is supposed to happen. Maybe I am supposed to be alone. Maybe I'm not meant to find that special somebody, or even somebody at all. As I let this fact set in, it leads me down a path thats very dark, very trying, and very lonely. Thoughts about the future seem bleak and disheartening. Talk about a depressing mood. If anything, this is the thing to put me into one. The very idea that I am supposed to walk this world alone stumbling in the dark. As I've sat back and watched myself watch the same pattern happen to me over and over again, something else dawned on me. I am lost. I am alone. and I am trying my very hardest to not be. I keep reaching out to others but am incapable of reaching them. Whether it is my failing in social skill, personality, or lack of character I really don't know. At some point I realized that there is nothing I could do to change my situation but when I realized this it wasn't something that depressed me. It was more of a realization that I had been looking in the wrong direction. I should be looking up instead of looking down. I realized that as people we all are lost like I just described. All of us will try to reach out to find somebody. Some of us are more likely to than others. Some of us will not find what they are looking for but will accept whatever they can reach. Some of us will keep fishing in the darkness preferring to be miserable and alone instead of settling for whatever they can reach. At some point we all realize that we are missing something. Some of us will realize this sooner than others but all same that something is still missing. I tried to fill it with distractions like friends, television, and activities but still I found it doesn't help. But its not like it's stopped me from continuing to try.

After all this time I've learned my lesson. I need to look to God to fill this empty space. This is the one and only thing that will fill the hole in me fully and completely. However as the title of this posting suggest I tend to get lost in my quest for fulfillment. I start to look in other areas to help fill this hole and forget that I can feel complete with God. To better explain this I offer up an example. I realize that with God I can feel complete, however I still have the urge to look for/to something else such as a friends or a girlfriend or a new source of entertainment. I forget that the Almighty is there waiting to take care of me. For this I find myself apologizing to God about on many occasions and many more occasions to come. My feelings can best be summed up by the Orange County Supertones

"Lord look at me I'm just a man, but you tell me I'm not just a man, So hard to understand. After all I'm just a man. Lord you tell me not to doubt, but I'm always plagued by doubt, but you always help me out, I'm so ashamed"

Reading this post it feels like its ending on a sour note but thats not really the note I wanted to leave. So let me explain things a bit more clearly. What I've been thinking as being alone really is an opportunity to learn more about my dealing with God. Being alone forces me to rely on Him and I can only pray that he continues to give me the chance until I learn my lesson. Though I may become lost once in a while I thank God that He is able to bring me back in front of him time and time again. So after I have revealed my weakness of reliance on outside sources to fill my empty hole I would like to share

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

As long as I keep my goals and focus on God. Not even my weakness can be used against me. So you who one day maybe reading this and feel lost and alone as I once(and still feel sometimes) felt I would like to offer up this to you. I feel alone, still, sometimes but I know there is help out there if you're willing to look for it.

-ptomos

*Just wanted to express one more thing in this post, I often think that feeling lonely sometimes reflects a lot on how God feels when it comes to us. He constantly wants to be near us, wants to be heard by us and wants to be our friend. Yet we constantly ignore him and seek other things, or other friends. I hope by realizing this, I try more to communicate with God because if I feel alone when it comes to friends how alone must he feel?*

Jobless January... And then some

2008-04-30T01:16:00.000-07:00

Around January of 2008 I found myself graduated and jobless. At this point in my life I was confused about what to do with my life. I really didn't have a direction to go so I decided to let God decided what I should do. This was very confusing in the beginning and it kinda still is. It required much prayer and much time to literally sit still and try to seek out God. I know all this stuff may sound crazy but hey, don't knock what you haven't tried. I guarantee that if you have the heart to try this, something will happen! Anyways, I spent about month praying about what the heck jobs I should apply for cause I don't even know what field I was supposed to be applying for. So I would sit in my underwear (TMI, I know but makes a good image right?), in my apartment, in the middle of the day when nobody was home and read the bible and pray about what to do (of course that's not all of what I did, when I first became jobless I did my share of gaming and watching television =) cmon! who wouldn't! its like vacation but with more stress!) Every so often I would look up jobs online and then pray about them before applying. It was a very simple process, I would pray about the job application and if I got a good feeling I would apply for the job. This happened for about a month and looking at my bank account I kind of started to freak out but kept suppressing it thinking "there must be a light at the end of this tunnel, if I only have the faith to keep going" suffice it to say... I kept freaking out but I kept on praying and reading the bible. At somepoint I came along the Book of Matthews, Chapter 6, verse 31 which is...

"So do not worry saying, what shall we eat, and what shall we drink, and what shall we wear, for the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

This of course was a huge relief to me as every time started to freak out I would recall those words, or look them up (I suck at memorizing stuff) and it would totally calm me down again. So like the verse(s) said I just kept on doing what I was doing. At some point while talking to my parents about my situation my mother told me (this being in Chinese) son, if this is what God has prepared for you then it will go though all the way. If it isn't then no matter how much you pursue it, you won't get it. Her having said that opened my eyes, and it took about a week to finally get them open. But I realized I was being too arrogant in my job search. I was only picking places where I thought it would be cool to work at and so far any application I sent out I've never even heard of a response back. As if to support my mom's statement I came upon Acts Chapter 5 verse 38, now a quick back story on this, as it need context to make any sense, the Apostles (followers) of Jesus Christ were caught preaching in the name of Jesus to others. This was a big no no at the time as history/today we've seen how oppressive religion can be. So after screaming insults and shooting threats at the Apostles, the Pharisee's (those accusing the Apostles) gathered to discuss what to do with them. The wisest of them said this...

"Therefore, in the present case I advise you: Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail."

As soon as a read this verse I got excited. This seemed to apply perfectly with my current situation. With this knowledge and the attitude of humbly applying for a job, my next move was to apply everywhere and anywhere. I started sending out my resume and filling out job applications left and right only slightly caring about what I was applying for. Who was I to know what I was supposed to learn or where to learn it from? At this point all I could do was trust the Lord. Many people tried to tell me that I could get a temp job for the time being but I knew that if I didn't put my whole heart into this then there wasn't any point in my trying it. Another month past and my account was dwindling under the weight of bills, rent and food. I still held on to that earlier verse and just so happens that it was tax time. I filed my taxes and found that I made just enough under the cap to qualify for a full refund. So in less than 10 days my dwindling pile of money grew large enough to swallow rent and bills for another few months. Towards the end of the month of February I had applied to maybe 5-10 places ranging from dental office and Ceder Sinai blood work lab to dorm manager and administrative assistant. I hadn't received a call back email or letter from any place I applied to. So I woke up one morning and found myself looking at a job that seem to fit my job history pretty well. I applied for it and thought nothing else about it for a week. I then received phone call asking me to come in for an interview. At this point I was thinking. Ok... God set it up already, all I have to do is follow though with my best effort. So I did some research on the company, on the day of I dressed in a suit and tie and left for the interview. The thing about me is, I don't really know if I interview well but I normally get really really sweaty palms and become really nervous. But for some reason this time it was like I had nothing to be scared of. Either this was going to be the way God had prepared for me. or it wasn't. Thinking this way really help remove the pressure from this situation and a day after the interview they called me up and offered me the job.

To sum things up... I started out with the mentality of applying to places I thought/felt the spirit was directing me towards. I still am very unsure of what I thought/felt was correct but maintained the idea and kept going. Somewhere along the way after reading the bible and praying over it I realized that I should be trusting God with my whole heart which led me to applying anywhere, with the idea that God would keep the path I was supposed to take open and close all other doors. After switching to the mentality, I applied to the current place I work at and was given the job within days of applying. This was the only place that called me back about the position.

Though it maybe a small miracle to others, to me this is an amazing thing. Praise God for allowing me to follow in his footsteps. Through this experience I have learned a very important lesson that I continue to struggle with today. Learning to follow God is the simple act of submitting to his will. Submitting is the hardest part because we all have our own ideas, methods, and patterns we like to follow, or have learned while we muddle though life. To set it all aside is almost impossible but though God all things are possible. So I hope whoever reads this is feeling what I feel today. Faith is what helps you move through the darkness we call life. Hope is what lets you see the light at the end of the darkness. And Love is what awaits those that are willing to have Faith and Hope to reach the end. Love will always be at the end waiting for those who are willing to try.

1st Corinthians 4-7

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." - 1 John 4:18

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself, each day has enough trouble of its own" - Matthew 6:34

"Be joyful always, pray continuously, and give thanks on all occasions, this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 4:16

"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert, and keep on praying for all the saints" - Ephesians 6:18

-ptomso

Birthdays

2008-04-26T23:39:00.000-07:00

Since as long as I remember I've hated my own birthday. I still really don't know the reason why but I know it has something to do with the amount of attention I get on that day. Just to let you know, I normally don't get THAT much attention from people, so it could be I'm not used to it and it's uncomfortable. Anyways, I usually get awkward and annoyed at people for trying to wish me a happy birthday (yes I know... I'm an idiot.. if you think you'd have a hard time living with me imagine what I have to go through everyday living with me) but this year I took it in stride. I'll be honest, it bothered me, but it made me realize what it meant to be humble and I mean truly humble. I used to think being humble was about always putting yourself last and turning down gifts and and expressing, basically, how unworthy of anything and anybody I am. All these things are actually true of being humble but it's lacking one thing that really really completes the whole picture.....Being meek or being submissive. Being however unworthy of attention, affection, and and general gift giving that I want to be, there is still something I lacked and that was the meekness to accept the gifts people wanted me to have.

Luke 14:11 says "For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted"

If I was being truly humble then I must also be humble enough to accept the gifts that God is/was trying to exalt me with. Though I am (and want to be more of) unworthy of them they are still meant for me and I have no right, humble or not, to reject them. After realizing this I have decided to only accept things I'm allowed to accept and thus I will be praying about gifts before I accept them to ensure I am only accepting gifts that God has deemed A-OK.

-ptomso

*note to self - next times post will be on Offerings to God and how he as provided offerings for us to offer, cool huh?*

Burnt Offerings

2008-04-28T08:22:00.000-07:00

I had a BBQ this past weekend for a few friends of mine, kinda unofficially celebrating one more year of rotting away upon this pretty blue spinning marble, that swims blindly in the blackest of black velvet.... some would ask how much more black it could possibly be?
and the answer is.

none....

none more black....

Anyways, enough of my lameness! The real story starts a few weeks ago. Recently, I've been going back to church (after a 7 years of not going) and I'm trying something new. I've not been trying to go to church for the sake of going to church, but I'm trying to go to church to learn something. This has led me to praying every Sunday about going to church. On some days I'll have an urge to go to church and other I don't. I don't really know for sure if I'm doing the right thing but so far as its working out, whether I stay home or go to a church, the message of that day I receive has some immediate working application in my family life. Just to show an example, I didn't end up going to church this past Sunday. Instead I stayed home and was trying to find a good bible verse for my sisters current situation. After half and hour to an hour of searching through the bible, both in book and online format. My results ended in nothing. So at this point I decided to just continue reading where I left off of. I opened my bible up to my bookmark and started upon James 4. Which is...

James 4

Now to briefly explain my sisters situation without revealing too much information. She's currently dating somebody that isn't Christian. It's causing some tension at home, to put it frankly, her dating somebody outside of the religion is causing a divided in our family. I can tell shes torn inside her on this issue. Part of her wants to follow the Spirit but another part of her wanted to follow the world. Now I've been in that situation plenty of times and its not an easy situation to deal with. These verses fit her situation to a "T" so I hope that when I share this with her it will bring her some clarity with her situation.

Back to my original point, I missed church and that means I also missed an opportunity to offer up tithe to God that week. I felt that I really should do something so I prayed about the BBQ and felt that it was O.K. to use it as a situation where I could offer my money and time in service of others. It ended up being the best (I dare say) one of the best times of my life. I was so happy that people were eating and enjoying themselves =) and that I could be the one to provide it. *by the way if any of you that came should happen upon this blog thank you sooo much for coming! I really appreciate it =)* So praise God for that! and things worked perfectly, and I mean perfectly. The 20lbs of meat I bought was just enough to feed everybody and the coolest thing about the whole situation was when I tallied the amount I spent on that day.

20lbs of short ribs and marinade ingredients = $90
Steaks and Soap = $40
Total amount = Around $130
My Bank account that week = $1300
%10 of $1300 = $130

HOW COOL IS THAT!

On and endnote I would just like to say again, Thank God for the opportunity to serve others its one of those few moments where I felt Joy.

-ptomso

P.S. BBQ = Burnt offering get it?
*Next time I'll talk about my job search and how I started to pay tithe to kinda complete the whole offering God what as been Offered to us*